He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
