Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
