Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
