Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That's intense
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
