My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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