I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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