Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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