So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
