where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
