I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
