Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They took my balls.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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