Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
