no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
