i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
