I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
