"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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