Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
