Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
