not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
