Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
