I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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