I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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