dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Small penises have feelings too.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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