Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
