The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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