So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
