Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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