I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
