dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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