I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
