New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
