Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
