they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
