i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Randomize
