the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
