The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
