that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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