I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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