i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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