That's intense
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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