Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
