apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
