She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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