so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
