I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
