hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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