she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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