my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
