A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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