i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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