He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
